S1:E12 - The Meaning of Life

Team Piper/Maillie on location in Leadville, Colorado - 2009

The Prologue

It's May 21, 2007. I'm sitting in a conference room anxiously awaiting the start of a pre-production meeting. The project is a 4-day Lincoln Mercury shoot and it was one major challenge; We need to shut down sections of the Las Vegas strip so we can film cars running under the casino lights. Now, this would be a nearly impossible task under normal circumstances, but what made it even more difficult was we had to shoot over the Memorial Day weekend. But as the spots were going to get a lot of media play, the production company, Backyard, agreed to take on the project, under one condition; Anton Maillie had to produce it. 

Now before that job I had never met Anton, but I had heard plenty of chatter in production corridors about this guy with an uncanny ability to solve tough production problems. And so I agreed to meet this dark horse Winston Wolfe character. My first impression of Anton was that he had a quiet assuredness about him. I could see why people in production were slightly afraid of him because he didn’t walk and talk like everyone else. He prowled around the office, chewed nicotine gum constantly, and had the look of a hitman always plotting ten moves ahead. Maybe that’s why I liked Anton right from the start.

Now Lincoln-Mercury had made it very clear they were prepared to pull the project if we couldn’t secure the permits we needed, and as the pre-production meeting was about to begin, I knew Caesar’s Palace weren’t giving us their approval. No permit fee could compensate them for the disruption to their casino business. But with a cocky self-confidence, like Han Solo taking Obi-Wan Kenobi into the Alderaan system, Anton had told me not to worry.

As the client walked into the conference room the tension was palpable and so to help break the ice, the agency producer suggested we go round the table and each introduce ourselves. First went the agency producer, followed by the account team, the creative director, copywriter and art director. And then it was Anton’s turn. But his face was buried in his laptop so I gave him a quick nudge. He looked up and confidently announced…

“Hello everyone. My name’s Anton and I’m Rob’s Line Producer”.

What?!!! The account director turns to the agency team. The agency team looks at me. Everyone has the same bemused expression on their faces. Who the fuck is Rob? Is Nick’s line producer prepping another job?!!!  I try to think of a way to cover up the gaffe. Maybe I pretend to be called Rob? Yes, that’s it! It could be my shooting pseudonym. Shit. My real name’s plastered all over the pre-pro book, which the client is staring at…

“Hi. My name’s Nick. Unfortunately, Rob wasn’t available for this project, so I’ll be directing instead.”

Anton's face goes white as he realizes his mistake, and my joke's fallen flat. You could hear a pin drop. But in the corner one of the agency creatives start chuckling, followed by nervous laughter from the account team, and then the client cracks up too, thank God he had a sense of humour. Anton leans across to me and quietly apologizes for being distracted. Then he shows me his laptop screen with an email he's just received from Caesar's Palace miraculously permitting us to shoot on their property! To this day, I don't know who's bed he put the horse's head in, but as the meeting resumed, and the good news about the permits was announced, everyone breathed a huge sign of relief. In fact, the rest of the meeting went as smoothly as any I've been a part of. As did the whole job.

Me and Anton being driven around Vancouver by Jesus - 2016

A Natural Fit
Some people are natural takers, and some people are natural givers. Where directors are born takers, most producers are, by definition, facilitators, or givers. And so if you put the right producer and director together you have a curious symbiotic relationship. And if that producer/director team are spending weeks and months on location, hanging out in hotel lobbies, picking up rental cars, meeting oddball characters and getting lost on foreign roads, then the dynamic can become as close to a marriage as any working relationship can get.

Feb 27, 2017. Ten years and more than 100 commercials later, ‘Tubby Ton’ and I are a formidable producer/director team. We’ve worked on projects across 4 continents and now we’re back in LA scouting roads for another big car project. After an early start and a productive morning, we stop off at a strip mall sushi joint for a quick lunch break. That’s when Anton said he had something important he needed to tell me.

As he described the curious twitching sensations he’d been having, my first instinct was to reassure him, after all, who hasn’t had the occasional muscle spasm? But Anton’s expression told me there was more to this. He picked up a chopstick in his left hand and drummed out a simple rhythm on the restaurant table. Tap… Tap… Tap.Tap.Tap. But when he tried to repeat the same rhythm with the chopstick in his right hand, there was a delay in his hand coordination. And as I looked into Anton’s eyes, I saw something I’d never seen before. Vulnerability. That was the day my relationship with Anton changed.

American Ninja Warrior
July 5, 2017. A couple of months later, Anton and I were heading to Austin for a Pharma job, and as we met up at LAX, I could see his symptoms had progressed. His gait was more cautious, and his right foot had started to ‘catch’. When we sat down in the departure lounge he told me he’d been to see his neurologist the day before and been given a fairly definitive (but subsequently incorrect) diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. I had never cried in front of Anton before, and he had never cried in front of me, so we must have looked quite a sight, two middle-aged men hugging tearfully at the Southwest Airlines gate. But it felt good to be able to finally share real emotion like that, and it wouldn’t be the last time.

But a few minutes later, after we boarded the plane, Anton showed me a YouTube video of some American Ninja Warrior guy who had MS ripping over the TV assault course. As he popped a couple of Probiotic supplements in his mouth, he told me he wasn't going to just surrender to MS, he was going to use his diagnosis as an inspiration to get healthier, eat better and exercise more regularly. I'm not sure if he was thinking of actually competing on American Ninja Warrior, but in that moment I wouldn't have put it past him.

Anton and a couple of other dangerous-looking guys

Family

Even though Anton was now becoming less physically mobile, it didn’t stop him from being a heavyweight champion of producers, and after years of covering my ass, it felt good to look out for my friend for a change, and do something kind for someone who had done countless kind things for me and my career.

So what if Anton needed to stay in the car while I ran out to take scouting pictures, that was fine. And if he felt better after 8-hours of sleep, then why kill ourselves working past midnight every night. We could leave some tasks unfinished until the morning. 

Our new ’work smarter, not harder’ approach reaped dividends. In fact it was going so well on the Pharma job in Austin that we somehow found ourselves with downtime the weekend before the shoot. So Anton decided to fly Mari, Gavin and Roman down for a couple of nights. Now in the past, having family on location was something we would never have contemplated. So this was another first.

Now I had met Mari a few years earlier, just after she and Anton had got married. They had the freshness and excitement of newlyweds beginning their life journey together, but with the groundedness and chemistry of a couple who’d been married for decades. They were clearly a perfect fit.

And so as Anton headed off to Austin airport to collect Mari and the boys, I naturally assumed they’d just want to hang out by themselves. But then he asked me to join them for dinner that evening. Naturally I politely declined. But he persisted, and I got the feeling this was more than just a polite invitation, he wanted to be surrounded by all the people he loved.

And so there we were, the five of us, in a cozy Italian restaurant having Friday night pizza. Seeing Anton hanging out with his family like this was a beautiful thing - he was chatting about the Mets’ stats and upcoming fixture list with Gavin, rolling his eyes at wild child Roman’s latest school misdemeanour, and all the while exchanging loving glances with Mari who clearly enjoyed having all her boys around her. There was so much love at that table and yet not once did I feel like a 5th wheel looking in from the outside. It felt good to be part of Anton’s family.

Hanging out with Dan Aykroyd - May 2021

The Meaning of Life

Now I look at my relationship with Anton in two distinct parts. Before ALS we were a dynamic producer/director team, always on the move. Travelling. Scouting. Casting. Shooting. Rinse. Repeat. Again. And Again. We got on effortlessly, had an unspoken understanding of how to make each job great, and always had fun.

But after the first symptoms of ALS started to show, and we were forced to go a little slower, we started to  become much closer. All that effort and energy we used to put into the work got redirected - or should I say recorrected - into something much more important, meaningful and long-lasting; Our Friendship.

It’s ironic that if Anton hadn’t developed ALS, I’m sure he and I would have continued working together for the next ten or so years, with the belief that work would always come first, and everything else could wait. And then we would probably have each drifted off into our different versions of retirement and eventually lost touch.

But like the line from the Emily Dickinson poem - "Because I could not stop for Death, he kindly stopped for me" - ALS gave us both pause for thought. Since then we've spent hours talking about the things that really matter. Hopes. Fears. Wishes. Realities. And of course Family. I bring up a topic to Anton, and he freely gives me his life experience, often with some wry observation, and occasionally a quirky movie quote.

 A Presidential campaign poster I shot for Anton - we had a lot of fun coming up with different slogans, but unfortunately, none of them were printable

When I ask him about dying, he’ll say - “I’m not afraid of dying, I’m afraid of not living”.

And that isn’t just a handy life tip he’s picked up somewhere. It’s the essence of who he is. Who he’s always been. Anton taught me about acceptance and the appreciation of others, many of whom aren’t the best at their jobs, but try their best… and sometimes that can be even better. My relationship with Anton changed me, not because his ALS diagnosis made me realize how fragile and fleeting life can be, but because his journey with ALS showed me how precious our human connections really are, and how vacuous so much of what we pursue and obsess over really is.

An ALS diagnosis would send most of us coiling up in a fetal position under the duvet. But not Anton. No need to waste time dwelling on all the stages of grief. As I see it he more or less went straight to Acceptance. Not that he would have a problem yelling at God, like the biblical character Job, or going toe to toe in the ring with ALS if he thought it would make a difference. But what's the point in fighting when the victor's already been decided. Better to get on with the business of living and being present for every precious moment.

And on the 8th day God created the Toyota 4Runner

As my contribution to this blog series draws to a close, there’s one last thought I’d like to share.  The title asks ’When Will The Music Stop?’ Well, we all know the music never really stops. The needle may lift off the record, or Spotify may get paused, but if the track means something, it keeps playing in our hearts. Much like the love we have for someone doesn’t just stop when they go, it lives on in our hearts, and the hearts of everyone they ever touched and nurtured while they were here.

I haven’t been able to see Anton in person as much as I’d like over the last screwy year or so, and that hurts, but I feel his spirit, and I think about him all the time. I’d like to think he feels the same way. I’ve told him I’m not ready for him to die, as there are so many adventures left to be had, stories to tell, wisdoms to share. But we both know neither of us have that power. When the permit’s up, it’s time to go, knowing that whenever death comes, it’s just the end of a life for God’s sake. But the relationship will live on forever.

There’s a little allegory I quite like to use to help explain this to my kids, and myself, which goes like this-

Two waves are flopping around in the beautiful blue ocean on a warm summer’s day. Both are having a great time until one of them spots the shoreline.

“Oh no!” the male wave shouts.

“What is it?” says the female wave.

“Look! We’re going to hit the shore. You don’t understand. We’re going to get washed away forever!”

“No, you don’t understand. You’re not a wave, you’re part of the ocean.”

The Handsome Brothers