S1:E11 - Forget About It

"The Maillie/Marazzos"

Growing up, my mom's family and my dad's family couldn't be any more polar opposite. I affectionally refer to mom's family as "The Whackadoos" and lovingly refer to dad's family as "The Eccentrics". The commonalities were few. Mom's side was filled with gambling personality types, literally and figuratively. A few years ago the doctors had tested me for genetic ALS, of which account for 10% of all ALS cases. For two hours I was asked about my entire extended family. Stuff like: are they still alive? how old were they when they died? what did they die from and how old were they at the time of death? On mom's side of the aisle, the three most common causes of death were lung cancer, riddled with bullets and strangulation. Mari and I practically peed our pants at this woman's reactions and temporary paralysis. Regarding my dad's family it was mostly cancer or old age. We sensed a little calming in the small room. I'm sure there are additional commonalities between the two sides of my life then, but these are most prominent. All my aunts, uncles and cousins were/are the most loving people I have ever known and when I was with my cousins we laughed our collective asses off. Until recently, I've only really been close to my cousin Donna (mom's side), who is a spectacular human, and her amazing children. That circle has since expanded to a few more cousins. On my dad's side, we have been doing monthly Zoom calls with all the cousins, and I look forward to seeing them. They are so so loving and fun.

Diggs, Mathur and Jeff Benard - May 2021

Today's blog is not about my family of origin but about my LA family. Specifically about my production family, some of whom I go back 30 years with. Also, going to expand on this week and me, and how life is reclaiming me and my reclaiming of my life. Regarding today's playlist and my dad's sisters and ALL my cousins, there were only two kinds of music. There was Elvis or nothing at all, you had to live in silence. Not listening to Elvis and knowing every excruciating fact was cause for exile. To this day I can still name all 31 Elvis movies. So the playlist is all Elvis and dedicated to my dad's family.

Today is Wednesday, June 2, 2021. It is the inaugural Lou Gehrig Day for Major League Baseball. All 30 teams will be honoring him and acknowledge his battle with ALS, equally known as Lou Gehrig's disease. Why did MLB pick June 2? Two reasons. First, after seeing limited playing time, Gehrig started his incredible streak of 2,130 consecutive games on June 2, 1925. And the second reason, Gehrig died on June 2, 1941 at the age of 37 from ALS. Since his death, over 400,000 people have died of ALS in the US alone. Just today, 18 of us will die from ALS. In the 80 years since Gehrig died, no treatment has been discovered that extends life beyond 3 months, it's criminal. Despite all that bullshit, I'm in a really good space, probably the best I've been in over a year. Why you ask? Well, I'll tell you!

We were on Covid lockdown for a year+ shortly after my diagnosis, no where to go, no one to see. It was just us, at home and binging shows and slowly watching the withering away of my muscles and motor skills. Alone with my thoughts, fears and feelings, I had no coping practice in the world until recently so I got slammed in the head with emerging in society, confined to a wheelchair and all the other goodies of my condition. I have not had cold or the flu since the late 90's so I wasn't concerned about getting Covid. My immune system is like The Wall in GoT. However, my nervous system has been infiltrated by the White Walkers and is failing me. The last 3 months has been more than a bit rocky as I walked (wheeled) through the emergence of gunk, but I have arrived at the other end of the tunnel. I equate it to a supersonic jet. As it gets closer to the speed of sound, the more violent the shake, but once getting past Mach 1 it becomes smooth and calm. I have arrived at Mach 1 and grateful for every second I stay here. 

My friend, Nick Piper

Intensity, hard work, hilarity, the team, make the day, magic hour; are a few buzz words from a producer. As a producer I had the privilege of assembling the greatest crew(s) of all time. For me, family is defined as someone you spend time with because you love being with them because they make you happy and they lift you up.  Oh and make you look good. That is applicable to the 50 or 60 crew members on my sets over and over again. My recent healing started with a dear friend (next week's guest director blogger) who moved his family to Paris a few years back. He was in LA recently and we got together often and texted pretty much every day. We went from being very close to bonding even further on a cellular level. As we said goodbye for now, we stared at each other, he on the end of his walkway and me driving away in the back of my wheelchair van. It took about a block before quiet tears rolled down my face. Wasn't long until Mari and Maira heard me and comforted me, they were tears of joy and sadness. Somehow, he crept into my soul after many, many jobs together. He was a great road dog to travel with. 

1st ADs Todd Thompson and Mike Dignum - May 2021

This brings me to Janet & Joe, a married couple, both excellent sound mixers, and one or both have been on every single job for the past 17 years or so. They were privy to the dozens upon dozens of my old crew checking in on me and knew it was hard for me to engage with all. This past Sunday, they hosted a party for Mari and I at their gorgeous home. It was my happiest day in almost three years. I got to spend an entire day with 45 crew family members. I truly and deeply love you all. I've said it before but it's worthy of another mention, my career spanned 30 years but still I haven't worked a single day, thanks in large to you all. Some were out of town and couldn't attend and I love you as well. It was the epitome of a great day. 

Joe Forristal, Don Anderson and Rob McLeod - June 2, 2021

It's now Thursday morning and feeling alive and extremely happy. As some know, thanks to Mari's post, I went to the Dodgers v Cardinals last night for Lou Gehrig Day. This was my first big outing without Mari, who usually serves as my wife, caregiver and safety net. It was a very empowering moment to walk the wire sans safety net. But I was with dear friends who had my back, front and every other side. Thanks Don, Rob and Joe for a great night at the ballpark! If you want to see and hear more of us all, go to iTunes and search for Anton & The Fencebuilders. We were pretty good and had a decent following on the east coast back in the 90's. Today, because of my speech difficulty, I pretty much hang with single syllable friends with names like Joe, Don and Rob. A little fun fact about last night. Because of my handicap, we parked like 20 feet from entrance, had great seats with no one in front of us and my own private bathroom. If I had known all that, I would have gotten sick years earlier. It was a great night.

Padres vs Mets - June 3, 2021

.....and the adventure continues. In a few hours, Mari will strap my ass into the van and off we go to San Diego to catch My Beloved Mets v Padres game tonight. The Padres celebrate Lou Gehrig Day today. Roman and Gavin are driving down with their dad to join us for the tailgate party and game. I should clarify that it is an ALS tailgate party which should be interesting. Mari is one of the organizers of the tailgate party, along with the non-profits, 'I am ALS' and ALS Association of San Diego. It should be an eye opening, possibly heartbreaking, experience for the boys because I don't believe they have met others with ALS. I pray that the uplift outweighs the sad component but, "we'll see, said the zen master". And who knows, they may be more accepting and we grown ups may be more affected. I am there as an observer and a participant but will let it all unfold organically without interference. Because I am with my family, watching a baseball game, how can it not be a great day, it already is!

I am pretty much done for this blog and will conclude with gratitude for my family of origin, Mari and Gavin and Roman, my beloved production family near and far, my friends from AA, my high school friends, my college friends, and all the uncategorized friends that are there for me every single day. I love and appreciate every one of you more than you'll ever know. What a GREAT feeling dancing around in my heart, soul and every other cell and fiber of my entire being.

For next week I have asked a dear friend who is a very important person in my life to be my guest blogger. Happy to introduce the master of articulation, Nick Piper. He's a great man, friend, director and my bud and I love him dearly.

...and remember - "make good days great days, no bad days allowed".

Peace out!!!

Anton