S:1E:4 - Yesteryear

Pisa, Italy Marathon - 42.195KM - The Finish Line, 2008

Bittersweet, exhausting, tedious, painstaking and down right a major bitch at times. I experience moments of frustration and discomfort and if you're in my line of fire, watch out. Unfortunatly, I find myself apologizing to Mari all too often. Isn't it always the ones closest to you that have to take bites out of the shit sandwich? I am a positive person to my bones, pretty much have been that way for all, or most of, my life. I am still a work in progress, I prefer being a perpetual student of life and not a know it all blowhard. The Blowhard Know It Alls and the One Upppers get under my skin like burrowing chiggers. For those not familiar with the One Uppers, they are those people who don't really listen when you're speaking, they are too busy coming up with a story or circumstance that is bigger and badder. 

Let's get back on track after that tirade of annoyance... 

There are times that I want my old life back; but being a practical optimist, I delve into the here and now and get right sized again. Sometimes making bad days into good days and turning good days into great days takes some extra effort. My truth - I have not a bad day in a very long time, I have had times of sadness and despair; I work through them and restart my day over. No matter what, upon waking up and standing, I have a smile on my cute face and say good morning to my wife, who is usually holding a plastic urinal at the time while I wee. Nothing like that first wee of the day, accompanied by pee shivers, to make a person happy! Now that I have shed my negative ju ju, let's get on to the good stuff. Today I'm feeling the desire to write about yesteryear, before those three insignificant letters became significant in my life. 

My name is Anton and I have ALS. Make no mistakes, ALS does not, and will not, define who I am today and all the tomorrows. I am so much more than three capitalized letters, always have been and always will be. As I walk through my pre-ALS story in my head, I truly believe much of what follows has contributed or downright caused my ALS. Scientists, researchers and doctors still have no known cause of ALS, with the exception of the 5% to 10% caused by hereditary factors. A disproportionate number of pALS's are in the military, football players, runners and other endurance athletes. I believe head trauma may also play a role along with how a person handles stress and anxiety. Moving the story forward; I'm sitting at my desk, wearing running sleeves for assistance with typing and listening to music through my Bose aviators. Today's music is a compilation of classic rock. I started with the soundtrack from The Big Chill and curated the playlist in the same genre and attitude.

February 9, 2001 - I find myself stumbling as I board the redeye flight to Minneapolis. You see, I had been awake for the better part of three days drinking vodka and snorting cocaine, at times alone and at times with others. I poured myself into the window seat and away I went. As soon as possible I ordered a Bloody Mary, took a gulp, and passed out post haste. When I came to, I had spilled that Bloody Mary all over myself while I snored loudly as was told to me by a fellow traveler. I wished I finished that drink. That one gulp of Bloody Mary was the last alcohol I would have in, or on, my body in over 20 years and counting, a day at a time. You see, I was checking myself into a rehab after being nudged by some friends. I weighed myself prior to leaving my apartment and clocked in at 201.5 lbs. I figured I would lose weight, get fitter during my 28 days in Center City, MN. A month later I left that lifesaving facility a changed man. I was sober and my body had completely transformed. I walked, or waddled out weighing 230 lbs. I'm guessing I turned to food, a lot of food, as an alcohol substitute. Think Tony Soprano and then add on 20 lbs.

One year sober, Feb 10, 2002  / Zihuatanejo, Mexico, Feb 3, 2006

Post rehab: I started back to work, I had a life mulligan, a do over for me. As 2003 rang in, I felt uncomfortable with my weight and for the first time in my life, I started running and I wasn't even being chased by cops or hookers. With my car, I charted out a one mile loop in my neighborhood. I attempted to run the entire mile but couldn't do it, so I had run walk the course. Did it every day until I could run the entire loop. I then upped it to two times around until I could run the 2 miles. In a few months time I had built it up to 13 one mile loops, a half marathon as I came to learn. One glitch though; I was getting tired of running in circles but was even more afraid of going beyond my neighborhood. With the help of a running friend, I slowly got over it and in March 2004 somehow I was at the starting line of the LA Marathon. It was all sun and the temp was in the high 80's. I finished that sucker in 5 hours and 50 minutes and swore that was the first and last marathon for me. BUT - as I neared the finish line a wave of emotion possessed my body and a wave of happy tears streamed. This was momentous for me, set my mind to accomplish something that took hard work and commitment and I "followed through", a phrase that took on a life of it's own inside of me. I had just turned 40 years old. Later in 2004, in October, somehow I signed up for the Dublin, Ireland marathon. Completed it in 4 hours and 40 minutes, shaved over an hour off of LA.

Antarctica Marathon, March 2007

Just prior to the Dublin Marathon I had heard someone talk of a 7 Continents Club. Being a curious bloke, when I researched it, the alcoholic thinking in me took over. Sign me up, now! I mean I already had North America and Europe down, only 5 to go. I proceeded to run the Silver Coast Marathon in Australia and Pietermaritzberg Marathon in Africa. Only three left, Asia, South America and Antarctica. While on the waitlist for Antarctica, I ran Vancouver, Budapest, Pisa, NY, Alaska, Vegas twice in the same year, Pasadena and LA a bunch more times. My phone rang in December 2006 and a man named Thom said they had an opening on the March 2007 ship heading to Antarctica. I said yes immediately, knowing the ship only holds 100 runners. Thom mentioned some folks were going on to run the Fin Del Mundo marathon at the southern most tip of Argentina and was I interested. I think you all know the answer. For times sake, I spent 12 days on a ship and hiked and kayaked with 99 other defective people. There was an incredible amount of love and friendship as we ran in the snow, ice, frozen mud and up a glacier or two. Exactly eight days later I ran the South America marathon and clocked in at 3 hours and 39 minutes. Asia was next and last. In November of that same year I was Viet Nam bound for a few days then on to Cambodia, where I would run the course around the Angkor Watt Temple. Done! Mission Accomplished!! On January 25th, 2015, 3 days after my 51st birthday, I started and finished the Miami Marathon, my 20th and final marathon. Later that year ALS symptoms starting showing up and my physical meditative running was over and done. I regret nothing cause I showed up for myself and was and still am a participant in my life and not a wallflower watching my life from afar.

I went from being a forty-year-old double-wide trailer, afraid to leave my neighborhood, to having all seven continents on a single passport.

For some reason unbeknownst to me, I'm thinking about a book I read 15 years ago. Written by Sidney Poitier it is titled "Measure of a Man". My take away these many years later is; you don't measure a man by his height or wealth but by his words and actions. 

...and remember - "make good days great days, no bad days allowed".

Peace out!!!

Anton